A reflective moment for those that have gone before me…

Holidays bring back memories of childhood, and in those moments you reach back in time, and love from your heart with all of your being, those that shared and were responsible for impacting your life. In their absence, those memories are magnified and longed for, especially when you are alone. Taking time to sit with those memories is so important.

It is no wonder that as we enter what we believe to be the last chapter of our own life that, especially with so many being afflicted with Alzheimer’s and Dementia these days, that it is the long-term memories that seem to surface and remain rather than the short-term ones.

Today. I resolve to take time this Christmas to remember those special times with my Mother, my Daddy, my sister Rebecca, my Nana and Granddad, my late husband, my aunts and uncles and cousins who have gone before me – and even my friends who have passed away – and drink in the memories of my life with them like hot chocolate with marshmallows sitting by a crackling fire with snow gently falling softly outside, surrounded by the beauty of Ponderosa Pines in Lakeside, Arizona, listening to Johnny Nash singing “I Can See Clearly Now.”

missing u at xmas

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I want my Mama; I want my Daddy…

parents gone

When you are young, it is never a thought; when it is a possibility, you pray really hard that they will be alright, and you will still have them. When they are gone – there is a hole left in your heart that nothing can ever replace – your prayers increase, and you pray that the faith you have will sustain you and that you really will see them again. All the holidays are not the same…but the cravings for their presence increases and if you slow down you begin to revisit some of those special moments with them… and you hit replay in your mind, so you can relive it again and again.

Maybe that is why we move so fast at holiday time…doing, doing and doing, because if we STOP, if we SLOW down, we might realize they are gone and have to deal with the feelings…the tears….the fact that the holiday will not be the same without them.

Parents – a huge job that as a child we do not understand; as an adult, even if you do not have children, you realize that whatever life you had with your parents, they did the best they could or knew how.

One of my favorite sayings by Ram Dass is, “In the end we are all just walking each other home.” I miss my parents…and on that walk I had with them, I only wish I had held their hands more tightly…I want my Mama; I want my Daddy – you are never too old to still say those words.

The tears flow…and I pause to let them stream down my face, because I read that it is scientifically proven that there are 38 toxins in a tear of sadness and only one toxin in a tear of joy. I am letting them stream to cleanse me, and as I do, I offer up a prayer for all of us that are missing our beloved parents this Holiday Season.