What I BELIEVE…
Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers, including adopted mothers and step mothers and those that were mother figures. And, Happy Mother’s Day memories to those whose Mother is no longer with them.
Mitch Albom, the famed author of “Tuesdays with Morie,” has written many books, but this Mother’s Day my thoughts are on his book, “For One More Day.” It is the story of a grown man whose life is on the rocks with his marriage and career, having turned to alcohol. In the deep recesses of his mind, he recalls when his mother and father divorced and his dad told him he could either be a mommy’s boy or a daddy’s boy, but not both. He chose his dad, who abandoned him at the crucial time of adolescence, creating regret. Years later he is broken – he has lost his job, and his marriage. One of the last straws is when he is shut out of his only daughter’s wedding. Deciding to take his own life, he takes a late night drive to the little hometown where he lived. He finds himself at his mother’s home for some reason. She had died eight years before, but when he stumbles into the house, he finds she is there. He is gifted one more day, and he does not waste it. He asks the questions, he listens and understands, he forgives and is forgiven. With new meaning, that one more day with his mother gifts him a second chance to put his life back together.
There’s a special quote about mothers in that book that touched my heart reminding me once again how every little memory and thing of importance in my life was touched in some way by my own mother. It says, “But there’s a story behind everything. How a picture got on a wall. How a scar got on your face. Sometimes the stories are simple, and sometimes they are hard and heartbreaking. But behind all your stories is always your mother’s story, because hers is where yours begin.”
Many would give almost anything “for one more day” with their Mother to “fix” something between them, or to say words they wish they had spoken or could take back. Some just wish they could see her face to properly say goodbye.
Unlike the character in Albom’s story, I don’t really need one more day with my mother. I had so many. They were not all perfect, but they made our relationship what it was. She had cancer for eight years and during that time we made sure there was nothing un-done or un-said. There was no unfinished business, and for that I am so grateful. Nonetheless, I would love one more day with her, just to look at her face, to feel her embrace and to bask in some more of her wisdom.
This is my fourth Mother’s Day without my Mother. The first year she was gone, still numb from her March 1 death, my friend Diana Lowell found three women who had lost their mothers many years before. They were guests on my special Mother’s Day “Believe” radio show that year. Each shared their memories and how that loss affected them. All were grown women and each cried as they old the story of their relationship with their mother. Each said they were still deeply affected by that loss, a loss like no other.
Since that time, those sentiments have been echoed time and time again by many I know who have become members of “the lost mothers club.” It is not a club you want to join, nor is it one you ever think you will become a member of. We think our mothers will live forever. She carried us inside of her for nine months and we began a relationship with her the moment we were conceived. I have often said that though the umbilical cord has been cut at birth, it is still spiritually still intact. I have now discovered that it still remains even after death.
Though I dreaded Mother’s Day for the first few years because my mother was gone, this Mother’s Day I am going to spend “one more day” with her. I have purchased a beautiful special book to write all the memories I can conjure up about my mother. She had so many witty and wisdom-filled sayings that I find myself always saying. I don’t want to forget those. I want to take a trip down memory lane and write it all down for myself. I imagine I will pick it up this special book each Mother’s Day after this one and re-visit those cherished memories. I will add to them as things come to me and they will be the gift to myself that keeps on giving.
As a baby boomer, I see on a regular basis friends and acquaintances who are losing their mothers. Words cannot heal that loss, but when I learn of it, I quietly say a prayer and ask God to bless that person and give them peace and comfort as they grieve. Having gone through it myself, there is an understanding that connects those of us who are now motherless.
What I BELIEVE is memories are ours to treasure. They live on in our hearts and minds, and like we are told in Luke 2:19, “But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.” I, too, will do that for myself this Mother’s Day.
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